Monday, July 31, 2006

Important Terms

Here's one I've been meaning to do for a long time now. This post is designed to clarify the true definitions of a number of terms which are, disturbingly, used interchangeably. Please pay attention.

Monkeying Around
Monkeying around is when you're hanging out, possibly with the kids, teasing them, giggling, maybe playing tag or pillow fighting. This is an innocent term meant to describe lighthearted frolicking.

Used in a sentence:
OK everybody, quit monkeying around and come to dinner!

Funny Business
Funny business is a term for mildly illicit sexual contact. Like if you were hooking up with a coworker and you sometimes made out in the copy room, that would be funny business. It doesn't necessarily have anything to do with work though, that was just the first thing that came to mind. The sex (or sexual contact) in and of itself could be just great, but it's the circumstances that surround it that lend the air of malfeasance.

Used in a sentence:
Fine Brad, you can stay over, but no funny business.

Messing Around
Everyone pretty much knows this one, or at least they should. Messing around is jolly behavior that may be a little detached and/or poorly thought out, but is essentially harmless. It can apply to makeout situations, but it can also apply to those occasions where really you're generally just sitting around doing nothing of any consequence.

Used in a sentence:
I meant to go to the party, but I got caught up messing around with that dude from next door who keeps coming over to watch American Idol.
The Zubrick brothers were always too busy messing around playing Dungeons & Dragons to meet girls, which is why they were both virgins until their early 30's.

Roughhousing is a term used to describe aggressive sex, possibly S&M but not generally so organized as that, and definitely no costumes or whips. Making up after a rancorous quarrel can cause roughhousing, or sometimes just whiskey and hot weather. I think this happens most often in trailer parks.

Used in a sentence:
I'm sorry I can't meet you for brunch, but last night unexpectedly descended into some serious roughhousing between me and the old man, and I am plum beat.

Monkey Business
This is gay anal sex.

Used in a sentence:
Mitchell always meant to get married and have kids, but by the time he was old enough, he was really into monkey business.

Horseplay is no laughing matter. This term connotes anal rape.

Used in a sentence:
No horseplay.


At 10:54 PM, Blogger Martin McFriend said...

You are really fucking sick. that was a real lshismper!

At 4:30 AM, Anonymous Electric Storytime said...

When I was but a lad, my uncle often spoke dreamily of "sandbagging." Can you explain what this means? Many thanks in advance.

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At 12:40 PM, Blogger Will said...

Thank you for clarifying, gotta cut out the horseplay.

At 12:26 PM, Blogger Scrubby Nub and The Bothered Brigade said...

Sandbagging, though I'm not entirely familiar, might be trying to fake the traditional intercourse, move south and sneak it in the butt. I hear, anyway.

At 5:37 AM, Anonymous Electric Storytime said...

My uncle often walked around with a large dill pickle strapped to his ear. He also sang the Bulgarian national anthem before each meal, though, to the best of my knowledge, he was not Bulgarian. Does this help clarify matters?

At 9:13 AM, Anonymous martinvanburen said...

the subject of this post leads me to believe that there was some tragic miscommunication recently in your erotic adventures.

i am in a valley right now. i need to climb back to the peak.

At 5:34 PM, Blogger Scrubby Nub and The Bothered Brigade said...

Your uncle, Bulgarian or not, picked up the Slavic tradition (originally Thracian I believe, but here history contradicts itself many times over) of pickling a vegetable through a process that occurs in the anus. The pickled veg is then worn, typically on the shirt sleeve - but your uncle sounds insane - as a sign of fertility. As abstinence played out in pre-marital trysts, the pickled item was then used an erousal device for women, until they were properly wooed. However, this tradition ultimately fell, when it was discovered these virgins were acquiring a nasty, and repugnant yeast infection from the dill or other season (again, pesky history). But, it was discovered that some men, after the abolition of the Thracian practice, were still donning their pickle. These men, as it were, pleasured themselves with it. I'm sorry to say ES, but you uncle was sticking that pickle up his butt. And thus, the true definition of sandbagging comes to light. Who'd have known it's origin - that Slavic doesn't translate well neither in speech or in prose.

At 6:04 PM, Blogger sasefina said...

Well put, Y2.

ES - What he said.

At 8:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you spelled plum wrong. Isn't it plumb or something somewhat-to-semi like that?

At 6:25 AM, Anonymous Electric Storytime said...

Oh, wait a minute, did I write that he walked around with a pickle strapped to his ear? I'm sorry, I meant to say he wore a herring in his ear. Or sometimes, a cod. I think your analysis remains more or less correct, though.

At 7:46 AM, Blogger Scrubby Nub and The Bothered Brigade said...

Well, all fauna considered, I'd say your uncle is a sturdy fellow.

At 4:49 PM, Blogger CHW said...

Jesus! No posts for three months and then this? Wow.

How about "tea-bagging"?

At 3:00 AM, Blogger Lex A. Con said...

I just sort of stumbled upon your blog again. You see, i've been writing my own blog and i need some people to put in the links, and i thought of you, so I came to visit. I am wildly impressed by your blog and have found inspiration to make mine less depressing! (it is currently a reflection of my less than thrilling life in a less than thrilling city in a totally thrilling country.) anyway, I'm linking you and if you don't want to be linked/associated with my currently-depressing blog, just let me know and I'll remove you. This is Alex by the way. Were those my checkered Vans you spotted? If not, too bad, they are fabulous (the red and black variety, which, by the way, I totall ripped off (the idea) from some random girl in New York). xoxo


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